Awakening
by njborba
Summary: Emily has a very vivid dream that sets her on a new path in life. Holiday story.


Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the TV series, _Criminal Minds_.

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**Awakening**

By N. J. Borba

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Emily sat at her desk watching as Derek bounced little Henry on his knee. The boy was bundled up in a cute brown snow suite with a reindeer head on the front. She listened as Morgan talked to him about Santa coming. He assured Henry that he'd been a very good boy and was likely to get lots of presents. JJ returned with her jacket draped over one arm and a diaper bag slung over the other.

"Thanks for keeping an eye on him for me. I think I've finally got things sorted so we can all have a nice few days off for the holidays," the media liaison grinned brightly when Henry reached for her. She took the boy, placed him on her hip and glanced up at Hotch's dark office. "Did he already leave?"

"Yeah," Emily answered. "He said something about wanting to make Jack's Christmas extra special this year." She didn't think it necessary to mention the part about it being the boy's first Christmas without his mom. They all knew that was implied. "And Reid is already off to Vegas," Emily added, hoping to change the subject.

"And Rossi," Morgan shrugged. "Who knows where Rossi goes for the holidays. I guess he's got a few ex-wives to choose from," he grinned.

JJ rolled her eyes at the comment as Henry laid his head against her shoulder. She looked to Emily. "What about you, have any big plans for tomorrow?"

Emily unconsciously ran a hand over the small bump on her forehead where a suspect had clocked her the day before. "My parents are traveling in France all this month," she replied. "They invited me to join them, but I don't want to go and turn right back in a day or two."

"So, you're going to be alone for Christmas?" JJ frowned.

"Nope," Emily replied. "I have two very nice bottles of wine waiting for me at home, and a good book." The words sounded kind of pathetic once they actually exited her mouth.

JJ wasn't sure how to respond to that. Instead, she spun around to face Morgan. "How about you, headed back to Chicago?"

Derek smiled. "No, my mom and sisters are flying in tonight. We're going to do Christmas here this year."

Emily could tell by the tone of his voice that he was excited to see them, even though he'd just been home for his annual visit to celebrate his mom's birthday. She stood up as JJ made a move toward the exit. Emily hugged her friend goodbye and kissed Henry on the cheek. She watched as Morgan did the same, as well as ruffling Henry's soft tuft of golden hair. Then it was just the two of them.

The office was silent and Emily tried her best to make some noise as she arranged files on her desk and turned off her computer. "I guess I'm out of here too," she said, lifting her bag off the floor beneath the desk.

Derek had tidied his desk as well and stood beside it, smiling at her. "You know, since you're not going to France, I was wondering if maybe you'd…" he paused. "I just finished fixing up this beautiful two-story Tudor in Annandale. My mom and sisters are going to stay there while they're visiting. So, we'll be having a meal there tomorrow to celebrate Christmas and I thought if you're not too busy, maybe you'd like to join us?" He finally managed to get the question out, after dancing all around it for a few seconds.

Emily was a little surprised by the offer, but realized she shouldn't have been. He was one of the sweetest, most generous guys she'd ever met. And he was also a guy that she worked with closely every day. "Derek, that is really nice of you to offer, but I don't want to intrude on your family holiday. I'm kind of looking forward to having a few days off, to myself."

"Oh," he nodded. "Sure, well," Derek grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled something down on it. "This is where we'll be. Feel free to just show up if you change your mind," he handed her the address and stood there staring at her for a moment before reaching out to run a finger over the wound on her forehead. "You sure you're okay?" he asked.

"Fine," she assured him, trying not to focus on the touch of his warm hand against her skin.

He leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. "Merry Christmas, Emily," Morgan said as he grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair. He pointed toward the door. "I need to go wish Garcia a very happy Christmas and then head to the airport to pick up the Morgan girls." Derek smiled, waved and was off.

She watched him head toward Penelope's office and sighed, wishing for things that could never be.

xxx

Emily lay curled up on her sofa that night with a red afghan draped over her body. She could barely keep her eyes open to focus on the black and white movie that was playing. A bottle of white wine sat open on her coffee table, but it had barely been touched. The book had fallen to the floor, probably losing her place. Emily didn't much care as she finally succumbed to the weight of her eyelids and let them shut. It was perhaps the most pathetic Christmas Eve she'd ever had.

The sounds of the movie filled her head as she drifted off, "_What is it you want, Mary? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down…_"

xxx

"Emily?" She heard her name being called and wondered who was in her room. When the bed shifted, Emily's whole body froze. "Hey, wake up sleepy-head," the male voice came from right beside her. It sounded so familiar, but Emily was almost certain that she hadn't gone to bed with anyone the night before. He chuckled softly and she could feel his warm breath against her neck. "Did I wear you out last night? You're not getting too old for our Christmas Eve love making tradition, are you?"

She sat bolt upright and turned her head. The man she found in her bed was a shock, to say the least. "Derek?"

"Yeah," he answered, staring at her with concerned eyes. "Is everything okay, Em?"

_No!_ She screamed inside her head. Everything was most defiantly not okay. Emily didn't know what kind of strange dream she'd just woken into, but Derek Morgan was in her bed and from what she could see he had no shirt on. She tried real hard not to think about what he might not have on underneath the covers. Emily looked down then, making sure she had something on. Seeing the pale blue nightgown calmed her a little, even if she didn't recognize it as anything she owned.

Emily closed her eyes for a second and then opened just one eyelid to see if he was still there. Derek's gaze looked even more worried than before. Emily opened both eyes fully and looked around the room. She didn't recognize anything. "Where am I?"

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and drew her close again so that they were sitting with their backs against the headboard. "What's going on, Emily?" Derek asked. "You're at home, the same place we've lived for the last seven years. The house we bought just after we got married."

"Married?" her voice was a squeaky whisper as she glanced down at her left hand. Sure enough, there was a silver band there with a square princess-cut diamond.

Derek placed a hand against her forehead and she felt his fingers caress the raised patch of skin. "Are you sure that suspect didn't cause more damage than we thought?" he asked. "I know the medic cleared you, but we could go back to the hospital if you think it's necessary," Derek suggested.

"The suspect," Emily breathed a sigh of relief that at least that seemed consistent in her dream life. "So, I still work for the BAU?"

"Of course," he nodded. "Prettiest profiler I know, but I can't say that when Reid, Hotch and Rossi are around," Derek chuckled.

Emily was still confused. "So, we work together and are married? How does that… how did Hotch ever allow that?"

Morgan sighed, but decided to humor her for a minute. "He wasn't pleased at first, that's for sure. But he learned to look the other way when he realized that we really did love each other. And we're very good about not showing it at work," he cringed a little. "Well, except when suspects knock you out. I'm afraid I turned a little protective the other day when I found you unconscious in that house."

"Wow," she shook her head. "This is all very… interesting."

He smiled. "I think maybe a nice hot shower will help revive you," Derek suggested as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed the bump on her head. "It's going to have to be a fast one, though. My mom and sisters will be here in about an hour. And I'm really surprised that the boys aren't awake yet."

Derek had barely gotten the last word out when Emily spotted two young boys rush into the room. Both wore blue pajamas, one with a superman logo on his shirt and the other with a snowman decal on his chest. Her eyes widened as the taller of the boys jumped onto the bed and into Derek's lap. "Merry Christmas, daddy!" his voice was energetic but sweet. Emily estimated him to be about five years old, maybe pushing six. His radiant brown cheeks and dark eyes turned to her, a smile curling his lips. "Merry Christmas, mama!" he added.

Her mouth hung open for a moment and then she felt a gentle tug at her arm. Emily looked over to see the other little boy standing by the bed on her side. His skin was much lighter but he had the same brown eyes as the older boy. "Up?" he looked to her with a hopeful smile and a stuffed tiger in his hands. She guessed that he was about three years old, if even that.

Emily reached out and helped the boy onto the bed. He crawled onto her lap and curled up there, resting his head against her chest. The boy stuck his left thumb and one of the Tiger's paws in his mouth and sucked on them at the same time.

"Can we open presents now?" the first boy asked.

"Joey, you know everyone has to be here first," Derek answered. "We have to wait for nana and your aunties," he reminded the boy.

She noticed the look of disappointment on Joey's face. He looked so much like Derek it was a little scary. But when she looked closer she could see that his eyes were a different shape than Morgan's, as well as the curve of his little chin and placement of his ears. She realized those features were a lot like her own. And his name caused her pause as well. Her father's name was Joseph. Emily didn't think she'd ever had a dream feel so real before.

The littler guy reached up and pointed to the bump on her forehead. "Owie?" he batted his eyes at her in a questioning manner.

"Does it still hurt, mama, where the bad guy hit you?" Joey asked. "Maybe daddy can kiss it like you kiss our owies," he suggested.

Emily's heart melted to hear the concern in her son's voice. That was definitely like their father as well. Her thoughts abruptly stalled, realizing she'd just thought of him as her son. She looked down at the toddler in her arms. "No, it doesn't hurt any more," she assured them both.

Morgan lifted Joey off his lap and deposited the boy onto his own two feet beside the bed. "Hey, buddy, why don't you take your little brother downstairs? You guys can look through your stockings, but nothing more than that," he wagged a finger at the oldest child.

"Okay," Joey eagerly nodded. He scrambled over to Emily's side of the bed and beckoned for his brother to hop down. "Come on, Sam. Let's see what Santa left in our stockings!"

Emily watched the kids go and then turned to find Morgan out of bed. He was standing there in nothing more than a pair of black boxer briefs, with his arms above his head in a stretch. She quickly diverted her eyes trying to stare at the walls and anything else she could find to distract her. "I'm glad we wrapped all the Santa gifts," Derek said as she watched him out of the corner of one eye. He disappeared into the bathroom and Emily heard the shower turn on. "It should give us a few extra minutes this morning," he grinned, standing just inside their bedroom again. "Why don't you go first," he motioned with his head toward the bathroom.

She carefully extracted herself from the bed, happy to have an excuse to get away. Emily was even happier to realize that her nightgown came to a point just above her knees. Inside the bathroom, she closed the door and leaned against the counter, starring at herself in the mirror. "What the hell is going on?" she asked her dream self. "I am dreaming, right?" Emily shook that thought from her mind and pulled off the flimsy layer of clothing before immersing herself under the hot spray of water. She couldn't remember the last time she'd dreamed something as mundane as washing up.

Then the shower door opened, letting in a cool stream of air. Emily jumped and turned around to find Derek standing behind her. His hands shot out to grab her waist and steady her footing, before she could slip and fall in the slippery tub. "Oh my God, you scared me!" she exclaimed. It took her a moment to realize that his hands were awfully close to a sensitive area of her chest. And Emily couldn't help her eyes from roaming. She quickly realized that he was very naked, and her dream shower suddenly didn't seem quite so mundane.

"I thought it might be faster if we showered together," he grinned.

"Oh," she really couldn't think of a reason why his suggestion didn't make sense. Except that he was soon kissing her bare shoulder as the warm water washed over them and Emily was pretty sure the showering together idea might not go as quickly as he hoped. She knew her dream conscious certainly hoped it wouldn't. Emily finally gave in to the illusion and moaned appreciatively as his skillful hands and lips roamed her body.

They finished their 'shower' a half hour later and quickly dressed. Derek went downstairs to check on the boys as she brushed her hair. But she never got far in the task before her mind returned to the dance their bodies had performed moments ago. Emily realized it'd been far too long since she'd been with a man, in a dream or otherwise. It _was_ just a dream, though. She kept repeating those words to herself for the rest of the day as she entertained Derek's family and played with the kids.

That night she crawled into bed beside him, thinking she was caught up in the longest dream she'd ever had. Emily felt his body mold against hers, his chest to her back. His chin rested on her shoulder. He pushed some of her hair back and kissed her neck. "Thanks for a great Christmas, Em. I love you," he whispered against her ear.

"I love you too," the words rolled off her tongue without a second thought as she drifted off into a deep sleep.

xxx

Emily's eyes snapped open and she glanced around the room. She was curled up on the sofa in her living room. The wine bottle was still there on her coffee table, the condensation having caused a puddle to form around its base. On the floor laid her book. The TV was flashing pictures of some Christmas morning parade. But there was no comfy bed, or Derek Morgan pressed against her. There were no little boys rushing into the room, or Derek's family to hang out with. Emily had never felt more alone in her whole life.

She chastised herself, knowing it had been a dream all along. But it had been the most vivid dream of her life. And it hadn't strayed too far from the wandering thoughts she'd had about Derek Morgan in the past, on more than one occasion. Emily sighed as she threw back the afghan and sat up. She cradled her head in her hands and faced Christmas day with as much enthusiasm as a person could, knowing they'd be spending the holiday alone.

There was a shower; a short cold one, followed by a pot of coffee and glancing at the newspaper. She then cleaned up the mess her drippy wine bottle had made and took stock of the contents of her refrigerator. There wasn't much other than old Chinese take-out, another bottle of wine, some cheese and a few apples. Emily couldn't believe she'd forgotten to shop, and there was unlikely to be any place open on Christmas day.

She washed an apple and took a bite, sitting at her kitchen counter on a bar stool. Her eyes fell on something, a light yellow slip of paper. Emily pulled it forward across the counter and stared down at Derek's sloppy handwriting. "He was probably just being polite asking me over," she spoke aloud, trying to play it off in her head. "I'm sure the dream last night was only due to the fact that he was the last person I saw before coming home, and he was playing with Henry. Just my stupid subconscious playing tricks," she tried to tell herself.

Emily wasn't buying it, though. She sat her apple down and looked at the clock on her stove. It was already noon and she'd wasted half of a perfectly good Christmas day on feeling sorry for herself. Emily took her stairs two at a time and rummaged through her closet looking for something appropriate to wear for a Christmas meal with Derek and his family. She settled on a simple black skirt and silk fuchsia blouse. Emily let her hang loose, not doing much to fix it. Then she grabbed the address and her last bottle of wine.

The drive wasn't bad, not a lot of traffic on Christmas day. Derek's fixer-upper was gorgeous from the outside. Emily admired the house's façade as she stood at the front door working up the courage to knock. She cradled the bottle of wine in her left arm and finally told herself to stop being such a chicken. The fingers of her right hand curled into a lose fist and she knocked on the heavy wood door. Emily could hear voices inside, laughter and the soft strains of festive music. She gently bit her bottom lip as she waited for someone to answer. Her eyes were focused on the stone walkway when the door swung open.

She looked up to find Derek standing in the doorway, the soft light inside haloing his body. He was wearing a dark gray v-necked sweater and black slacks. Emily almost felt like she was seeing him for the first time in her life as her stomach did summersaults. It was completely ridiculous. He was the same Derek Morgan she'd known for three years. The guy she talked to about books and tracked down serial killers with. "Hi," she finally greeted him, pushing down her unreasonable nerves. "This house is gorgeous."

"Emily, hey," his eyes couldn't help roaming the curves her outfit revealed. "I'm afraid you make the house look drab in comparison," Derek remarked. "You, uh, never wear that sort of thing to work," he noted.

Her lips formed a thin smile as she was still a little unsure of her presence there. "Skirts aren't very practical for chasing Un-Subs," Emily finally replied.

Morgan smiled, even as his brows drew together. "I have to say, I'm kind of surprised to see you here."

Emily's face fell. "You did invite me, didn't you?"

Derek felt horrible as he saw the look of worry cross her face. "Oh, of course!" he nodded. "I just… I didn't think…" That was the biggest part of his problem at the moment, he wasn't thinking very clearly. He didn't want to tell her he hadn't expected her to actually show up. He did want to tell her how happy he was that she had. But instead of either of those two options he stood there with his mouth hanging open, like an idiot.

"Why don't you invite her in out of the cold, Derek," his mother suggested a moment later.

Emily noticed that his mom and sisters had crowded around behind him in the foyer. They all moved back as Derek stepped away from the threshold and waved her inside. He closed the door and Emily remembered her gift. "I brought some wine," she held the bottle out.

Sarah stepped forward. "I'll take that to the fridge," she offered.

"And I can take your coat," Desiree pointed to the black wool trench that hung open over Emily's outfit.

"Thank you," Emily replied as she removed the item and handed it off. She turned to Derek's mom who was still standing with them in the foyer. "Mrs. Morgan, it's nice to see you again."

The woman smiled. "Please, call me Fran," she pulled Emily in and hugged her. "Merry Christmas, dear."

"Forgot to tell you mom's a hugger," Derek looked apologetic as his mom let go of Emily.

Fran didn't seem to mind her son's comment as she engaged Emily in conversation. "Derek told us that your parents are in France," she noted. "I'm sorry to hear that, but their loss is certainly our gain. I'm glad you could make it here today," she relayed with genuine welcome.

Emily felt instantly at ease after that. "Thank you, I'm glad to be here," she smiled.

"Hey, Derek!" his older sister called out. Sarah pointed to something above his head. Emily looked up and noticed that there was a small bundle of mistletoe hanging from the archway that led into the living room. "I think that means you're supposed to kiss," his sister informed them.

"Yeah, she is the only woman here not related to you," Desiree chuckled.

Derek looked at Emily and shrugged. "It is tradition," he said, pulling her forward and placing his hands on her waist. Morgan then kissed her on the cheek, like he had at the office.

"Boo!" his sisters both hissed from the living room. "That was such a cheat, Derek," Sarah shook her head at his pathetic display.

Fran shot both of her girls a look that told them to stop teasing their brother. The older woman smiled apologetically as she faced Emily again. "You know Derek's father, Samuel, used to string that mistletoe all over the place at Christmas time. Every door or archway he could find, he'd tack some up. I finally told him one year that he didn't need an excuse to kiss me so much," she grinned.

Emily smiled, happy to hear his mother talk about her long-dead husband in such a jovial way. Then she remembered the face of the little boy that she'd held in her dream. His name had been Sam. Emily swore she'd never heard Derek mention his father's name before. How could she possibly have dreamed something like that? She couldn't reconcile that fact in her mind, but it sparked something deep inside her. As she stood there under the mistletoe with Derek's hands still at her waist, Emily realized she wanted to step off the beaten path of her life and explore a new road.

She'd already taken a first step by accepting Derek's invitation. And she didn't know if there would be marriage and kids down that road. Probably not kids at her age. But maybe there would at least be something more than a bottle of wine, a book and a movie to cuddle up with on Christmas Eve. Emily leaned forward. "I think Sarah's right. That was a bit of a cheat," she whispered just before closing her eyes and capturing his lips with her own. The union was tentative at first, until she felt him kiss her back. His warm mouth tasted sweet and salty as he opened himself up to her.

When they pulled apart, Emily grinned to see the surprised look on his face. It was a lot like the one she'd worn throughout most of her dream. "Merry Christmas, Derek."

xxx

Emily was already half way through her second cup of coffee as JJ strolled into the bullpen on Monday morning, hugging a stack of case files against her chest. The younger woman stopped and leaned against Emily's desk. "So, how was your Christmas? Did you enjoy your book and the wine?" JJ asked, concerned her friend might not have enjoyed spending the holiday alone.

Derek caught Emily's attention from where he was seated behind his desk. Emily nodded surreptitiously, remembering that they'd agreed to keep things quiet as they explored their new relationship. "The book was pretty good," she lied. The truth was Emily hadn't touched the book since she'd dropped it on the floor Christmas Eve. Derek's mother had easily cajoled her into spending the rest of the weekend hanging out with them; shopping, cooking, eating and ganging up on Derek as they'd outnumbered him four to one.

"Well, I'm gad you managed to have a little fun, because it's back to business as usual today. We have a briefing," JJ held the files out and nodded toward the conference room. Reid followed the liaison up the stairs. Derek pushed away from his desk and grabbed the cup of coffee he was working on. He fell into step beside Emily and winked at her as they climbed the stairs.

"The wine was good too," Derek smiled, adding to what she'd told JJ about the holiday.

"I kind of preferred the mistletoe," Emily replied, wearing a big grin the rest of the way to the BAU room.

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**The End**

"_What is it you want, Mary? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down…_"  
- It's a Wonderful Life


End file.
